Overheard: Germany

I was recently in Germany for a few weeks, travelling from town to town and city to city with a DeutschlandTicket. Along the way, I heard a few choice phrases in English. And here they are.

• It's certainly different here, isn't it? A different feel... still friendly!
  
  
• And what about the client change request? What about that?!
  
  
• There was a woman going from here to Hamburg, that's two hundred euro!
  
  
• They gave me the freedom to do whatever I want, so that's what I did.
  
  
• I do not have a print-out but you can have a screenshot.
  
  
• We can actually go straight, cos it's really pretty with the flowers
  
  
• You want to go to Five Men or should I say Five Guys?
  
  
• It's a big no no yo!

Overheard: Amsterdam tourist season

As the sun sets on an Amsterdam summer tourist season, here are 17 random things I overheard tourists saying in Amsterdam in summer 2025.

• It was presented as a democratic process, but it was not!
  
  
• The best thing about wearing this skirt is my phone doesn't pull it down.
  
  
• No, no, no, we will just buy the juice!
  
  
• When you're in love, you're in the bubble, like, all the time.
  
  
• Don't get me wrong, I love a good sunset, but I'm not gonna Instagram it! 
  
  
• I could live here. This is the best weather we've had, this is all I fucking care about!
  
  
• He used to be an addict, like a big addict. Did he tell you that?
  
  
• You look stunning! If you'd have come to dinner dressed like that, we'd be wowed.
  
  
• I don't wanna, like, work hard as fuck for that. So I'm not gonna go.
  
  
• You haven't seen it yet, but I can get pretty fiery.
  
  
• Small little boats with little or no entertainment? Ann and Steve did one and they said it was HORRIBLE, and I'll be taking their recommendation!
  
  
• I don't fuck with mixing sweet and savoury.
  
  
• That's like a firecracker, went right off in my throat!
  
  
• She's an actress, a dancer AND an educator.
  
  
• They didn't think about mental illness... that is literally insane! No pun intended.
  
  
• Is that in New York?! Mo-Maaaa?! We'll look it up!
  
  
• You're a troubled lady, aren't you?

Overheard: Newcastle

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

I recently spent a few days in Newcastle-upon-Tyne, where I heard the following choice sayings:

• 'Ah'm sorry about earlier burr ah didn't start it'
  
  
• 'Is this Abba or Share? ...oh it's Abba. Share do Abba now too ya know!'
  
  
• 'Ah'm here for the ketameen conference but I think I'm in the wrong place'
  
  
• 'That's all in foreign, I can't read foreign. If it were English, I might be interested.'
  
  
• 'I was reading the obituary of a philosopher the other day. He was anti-capitalist, said he wanted to see a rich person hang.'
  
  
• 'I didn't know his name so just put him in my phone as Gay 2'
  
  
• 'That's the Jack Daniels as a reference point'
  
  
• 'Let's go get some hula hoops!'
  
  
• 'Ya're loookin glowin, very sunny!' 'Thanks, it's cos I've had eleven hours sleep for once'
  
  
• In a charity shop, two women discussing a third:
  
  - She didn't turn up to work! She says, "this is my boyfriend and we're onna date" and the date is stood there looking nervous. I said to her, "you're meant to be at work!"
  
  - Aye she's taking the piss that lass!

Circle lines | Brussels

Photo by Sebastien LE DEROUT on Unsplash

A few weeks ago, I was in Brussels so took a circular trip on the Brussels metro. I travelled on the 6 line on an almost entire loop (with a small walk between two stations). Here's what I saw:

- A woman wearing a denim shirt tapping her hand on the phone she was carrying

- Two girls wearing matching brown skirts and black t-shirts, with different backpacks - one pink, one with red polka dots

- A man scoffing down a panini

- A girl with a colourful giraffe on her sweater

- A man with the words 'got no fears' on his jacket 

- Flowers: a woman carrying a white flower on a wooden twig, two women carrying fuchsia

- Someone with a red backpack emblazoned with the letter M

- A lot of people wearing purple, supporting Anderlecht for a Croky Cup match  

- A man wheeling a TV on a trolley

King's Day, Amsterdam: seen and heard

Photo by Jannik on Unsplash

On King's Day in Amsterdam, I took a walk around the city in the morning - before the big parties start and as people set up their vrijmarkt flea markets. Here's what I saw and heard:

• A woman with a red, white and blue coat - classier than the orange looks
• A shot-to-go stand
• A sign for MINI VEGAN SALT BARS (no clue)
• An Italian woman with giant glasses selling hand knitted hats
• Guys peeing against trees, a woman squat down between two cars (11am!)
• Nearby, a cute kid selling her jewellery
• A sign for a 'Transcendental Toilet'
• A woman with an orange moustache shimmying to Shakira
• An American tourist looking at a hot dog stand declaring, 'yeah, that's solid'

A random trip from Amsterdam

I read and wrote about a book on Experimental Travel in 2011 with great ideas to do some of the experiments. And then, I never did any of them! Until now, more than a decade later.

I took a random trip from Amsterdam Centraal - using random number generators to determine my journey.

My instructions were:

• Go to Amsterdam Centraal. Use a random number to choose a platform.
  
  
• Then, use a random number between 1 and 120 to choose how long to stay on the train. Get off at the next stop.
  
  
• Random number 1 and 60. Walk for that long, with random left / right turns
  

Today I started at the train station. Using the random number generator to choose the platform brought me to two platforms that are not currently in use. The third try brought me to the train that just goes to the airport. So instead, I jumped on the train on the adjoining platform which was leaving at that time.

Then, I used the random number generator to work out the duration I should stay on the train = 60 minutes. I'd get off at the next stop after that, which was Anna Paulowna (after 63 minutes).

This was actually a bit exciting for me, as Anna Paulowna is a Dutch town I've not yet visited. Looking it up later, I learn it's named after Anna Paulownapolder, the reclaimed land on which the town is built. That land is named for Anna Paulowna, the Russian wife of Dutch King William II.

The train went through the flat landscapes of Noord Holland, passing fields with cows and sheep and occasional glimpses of tulip fields in full bloom.

Arriving there, I saw: 

- A street festooned with Dutch flags on each home

- A boat and a convertible sportscar for sale

- Three Buddhist monks in bright yellow robes eating ice-creams

- A flower festival in full swing. The 'Bloemendagen' (Flower Days) are in their 70th year

- Two people cycling around, dressed as the two Dutch kissing figures

- Floral tributes to musical acts like Freddie Mercury and, eh, Taylor Swift

- A lovely flower garden with tulips and daffodils. Some varieties were named after cultural figures like Judith Leyster or Giuseppe Verdi or places like Brazil, Île-de-France or Monte Carlo.

After walking around for around an hour, I made my way back to the train station through very residential neighbourhoods, happy to have seen these flowers. A very pleasing random trip! 

Overhead: London streets

Photo by Ana Paula Grimaldi on Unsplash

I was recently in London. As I walked around, I heard the following:

• I don't think we need many offences to send him to prison, but the more the merrier!
  
  
• And then I'm gonna die on the spot
  
  
• I'm not cool, am I?
  
  
• Do you know what a chicken wing is? Do you?!
  
  
• I didn't go to Paris to hang out with them!

Overheard: emphatic Amsterdam

Spring has arrived in Amsterdam, and as I've walked around the city, I've heard people being very emphatic:

• I can zig AND zag!
  
  
• I learned a LOT about cold weather living in Boston
  
  
• She had a long black coat, VERY sophisticated, with black-silver buttons, very rich
  
  
• Where are you going? You SHOULD go to that expensive store over there.

Circle Lines | Berlin

One day, while in Berlin, I rode the S-Bahn that loops around the city. There are two lines: the S41 goes clockwise, the S42 goes counter-clockwise. As Berlin is a city filled with history, I went back in time on the S42. 

The most striking quality for me was the silence. The carriages were quiet, and not especially busy. The people that were there were not speaking - maybe the silence begets more silence.

During the ride, which lasted around an hour, here's who I saw.

- A woman carrying a bag with bright blue straps

- Three adults getting on with three children, saying auf auf auf

- A young Asian man intently reading one page of a book

- A woman holding a stack of small yellow and orange pieces of paper.

- A woman striding purposefully wearing a t-shirt with the slogan Rights and Wrongs

- A very chill ticket inspector wearing a hoodie

- A man wearing a beige woolly hat turning his face to the spring sunshine

- A woman wearing a mint green coat and large gold headphones

- A man dropping two €20 notes from a wodge of cash. Cash is king in Germany!

Overheard: Berlin

I recently spent a few weeks staying in Berlin. As I walked around the city, I over-heard these snatches of conversations:

• Shall we go up that dome there?
  
  
• Ain't nobody got time to meditate for 45 minutes in the morning!
  
  
• You're gonna have to warn me about these German jokes.
  
  
• Do you recommend packing tonight, not tomorrow? 
  
  
• ...but what are you wearing and why?
  
  
• Should we maybe try to have some chips?
  
  
• He was not allowed to study painting in Vienna.
  
  

Overheard: Benidorm

I went to Benidorm last week for Benidorm Fest and kept my ears open for interesting chit-chat. Here's what I heard:

• The thing is, I've been friends wi' Gary for thirty-five year
  
  
• I've got a curry club in Leatherhead when I get back on Thursday
  
  
• Oh that's another thing I did with me mince, I made myself a burger...
  
  
• We're on the yellow now... well it's more lemon that, in't it?

Overheard: Schiphol airport, Irish flights

I left Schiphol Airport this week, flying to Cork. There were long queues for each part of the journey, where I over-heard Irish voices saying:

• This Guinness shortage is just marketing. Or PR cos they're not paying for it. Guinness and Ryanair - there are some marketing geniuses in Dublin!
  
  
• Get ready to whip out that OV Chip Card!
  
  
• Did your brother marry somewhere fancy?
  
  
• They're just ugly and weird like, the bullies
  
  
• She's from Spain, she's fierce nocturnal. We'd be getting up for the airport at 3am and she'd be making her dinner.
  
  
• Did you see on his Instagram, the alpaca? Why didn't we do that?

I love it when London cosplays as ____________

The Mall with NATO flags, 2019, US Embassy in UK, Wikimedia Commons

I was recently in London, and my friends Martin and Max alerted me that Lady Olé was taking place that Saturday night. 

I had wanted to go to this party for a while so it was an easy choice to make. Spanish and Latin pop x drag x Hoxton = ¡sí, señor!

During the fun night, Max asked if I was enjoying and I happily replied: "Yes, I love it when London cosplays as another city."

- Like when London cosplays as Madrid, Barcelona or Valencia with Lady Olé (or other Spanish events) reminding me of parties I've been to in each city  

- Like when London cosplays as Bogotá or Barranquilla, watching football in Elephant and Castle with Colombia fans 

- Like when London cosplays as Riga, in a Bayswater bar for Latvians that's been open since the 1950s

- Like when London cosplays as Lund or any other small Swedish city at the Swedish church screening Melodifestivalen shows

- Like when London cosplays as Seoul, with a large population of Koreans living in New Malden

- Like when London cosplays as Stavanger, with parades in Southwark for Norway's National Day

So many more examples could be made - showing the global city that London is.

Circle Lines | London

London's Circle Line is one of the oldest in the world but these days Ye Olde Circle Line isn't even a circle - it's a loop with a bit hanging off the end going to Hammersmith. 

After 11 years living in London, I never actually sat on the Circle Line from end to end. So, on a trip there last week, I got on at Embankment and went anti-clockwise. 

Here's what I saw.

- Three tired and very glum-faced people, a mother and two daughters, all wrapped up in scarfs.

- A woman adjusting her socks and saying to the man beside her: "I've gotta pull my socks up, figuratively". "Literally", he corrects her.

- A woman with a lilac bob.

- A woman holding a handbag with an embroidered elephant.

- A young guy with bleach blonde hair and a bridge piercing looking intently at his phone, and clenching his jaw.

- People looking upto the tube maps above them as if seeking divine inspiration.

- "I do miss a little bit us walking around in the outside. That was awesome, that was top tier."

- "She was like 'don't worry I have a guy for you' and I was in shock."

- "I sat there with a wry smile on my face, sipping out of my pumpkin."

- A bearded man dressed all in black, sitting with his arms folded the whole time.

- A woman putting on her makeup from a bright orange compact.

- A boy excitedly telling a story about someone pointing out someone's red coat.

- Two boys passing a phone to one another without saying a word.

- A man singing the word Padd‐ing-ton and saying "smashed it!"

- A man getting stuck in the closing doors and saying sorry to everyone.

- People talking in French, Greek, Portuguese and Spanish.

Circle Lines | Vienna

Vienna Laengenfeldgasse, Herbert Ortner, Wikimedia Commons CC-BY-SA

Vienna does not have a circle line. But with some quick U‐Bahn changes, it's possible to do a loop. 

You could do a tiny, small, medium or large loop. I took the medium option, on the U4 and U6 lines. I started and ended at the central Karlsplatz station.

The whole trip took about 30 minutes, in grey carriages with bright red chairs and bright yellow poles and handles. 

Here's who I saw:

- Quite a few older people with scooters

- A lot - a lot! - of people wearing grey: a boy in a tracksuit, a man in grey denim jeans + jacket, a woman with slacks and jumper (and a wine t-shirt)

- A young boy dragging his younger brother onto the train, play slapping each other and laughing a lot

- Three young men with a tent folded into a dark green bag, repeatedly banging their hands on it

- A young woman speaking into her phone: 'Nei-ne-ne-nei-ne-nei entschuldigung, sorry!'

- A little dog in a check coat popping its head over its seat

- A blonde English woman shaking her head saying, 'It's so stupid, no one asked for that'.

- A man in a moss green coat, white baseball hat and circular glasses dozing off

- A woman with a disappointed look on her face, rubbing her forehead and eyes

- A man with a black sweatshirt holding a light blue coffee cup and cake box

- A young girl wearing pink, shouting and knocking the back of her legs against a vent in the train. Eventually, she became quiet by tapping her mother's head.

- A man in a long beige coat and beige trousers, as if to match the beige cardboard box he's carrying. Maybe to compensate, his friend has long, bright red hair.

Overheard: Train in Austria

WESTbahn, Kabelleger, Wikimedia Commons, CC BY-SA

Two people on a train in Austria are looking at various websites on a laptop. One's about fabric, one's about chairs, another is about ice-cubes. Maybe they are planning the interior of a bar or café?

They're mostly speaking in German with occasional bits in English.

- It feels a little bit more modern

- Get your rave on!

- Your 360 degrees experience!

- Step over it? Step on it.

- Good morning you spicy little fuck nuggets. Love it, love it!

- He is the big guy in Europe for the ice cubes.

Circle Lines | Madrid Metro Line 6

I was in Madrid earlier this year, and decided to resume a blog series idea - riding a circular metro line.

Madrid's circular line - Línea 6 Circular - goes through 28 stations. I started and ended at the cavernous Principe Pio.

Madrid metro trains have no internal doors, so you can see all along the carriages. At Laguna station, the doors of the train opened on both sides. Never seen that before!

And here's who I saw:

- A man sleeping, a woman sniffling

- A woman speaking on her phone about this and that, ending the call with a low aaaaahhhhh

- A man in a flat-cap dashing along the platform

- A woman carrying toilet rolls laughing heartily with her companion.

- A man on crutches, watching cartoons on his phone

- A woman singing a song into a karaoke microphone, and everyone ignoring her.

- A man selling lollipops from a small green plastic basket. His blue back-pack had the words 'Kings of Europe' written on it.

- A young man on his phone - I was standing up, so could see the screen: he looked at memes, then nail cosmetics tutorials and then started playing chess

- A very tall young man, dressed in monochrome, untangling his white earphones

Overheard: Hotel lobby, Amsterdam

A group of five business people are sitting in an Amsterdam hotel lobby, discussing an upcoming presentation. Someone says the word innovative a few times.

'Option 1 is hard but option 2 is harder.'

'Option 1 and option 2 are horizons. We need something at the bottom to show their optionality.'

'First, we need a definition of how they are similar and different, and then we need a contrast.'

And then they take out a bag of pick 'n' mix and start snacking. A young blond man picks a sweet from the bag, exclaiming: 'ooh look, it's a mini pizza!'

Overheard: Amsterdam hotel lobby

A hotel lobby in Amsterdam. Two middle-aged American women are sipping some wine, while a handsome, muscular, young Dutch guy sits next to them working on a laptop. The women catch his eye, and ask him for some dinner recommendations. They speak a little about museums and such. He then names two restaurants - one French and one Italian.

'And what about the local food?', one of the women asks.

He leans in: 'The local food is disgusting' 😆

Overheard: Derby charity shop

I'm in a charity shop in Derby, paying at the till for my purchase. The shop assistant is speaking to me, while she talks to her friend.

--

There's only me and Carol 'ere. We're waiting for Elvis... That's £3 duck.

Did ya enjoy yer burgers last night?

I tuk meself off ta bed!

Why?

Ya can't get round 'er dining room, she's got a bag on!... You have a lovely day duck!

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