Overheard: Amsterdam summer

Summer 2026 in Amsterdam gave heatwaves, cloudy days, 200,000+ lightning discharges, World Cup flags, boat trips, WorldPride - and I heard people saying these words:

• Cos everyone wants a unicorn, but no one wants a lumberjack.
  
  
• Wounds can be healed! Wounds can be healed!
  
  
• Brussels? Absolutely not! Brussels? What a shit show!
  
  
• If you go to the UK, to London, they are all orange in the face.
  
  
• It's very, like, claustrophobic here.
  
  
• I think he's straight... but he does play with his hair a lot.
  
  
• The Dutch are pretty much the badasses of the world when it comes to languages.
  
  
• Some nights we sleep together, some nights we don't.
  
  
• What about the consequences, the enormity?
  
  
• Oh, this wine is expensive... oh, this wine is good... This was a lovely wine, I'm going to get more.
  
  
• Like, he will buy three baskets of peaches and five boxes of extension cords.
  
  
• What happens in Chile on a Tuesday evening?
  
  
• I'm following you... Do you know where you're going?
  
  
• Thank God I brought chicken wings.
  
  
• Take your winter coats out!
  
  
• That McDonald's is good, it has an upper floor.
  
  
• I don't think anyone is pretty like me... or prettier.

Overheard: Manchester

 

On a recent visit to Manchester, here is what I heard.

• He's got no money, but going to t'South of France on holiday?
  
  
• He really thought his effectiveness was gonna drag him through.
  
  
• If you mention his name in any Italian restaurant in Manchester, they think he's a god.
  
  
• He's gonna have to wait and see what happens with what's-his-face health-wise.
  
  
• I did say to him, it would be nice if you come, at least I have someone in the car with me.
  
  
• She's alright but her lips are a bit off... she's got a massive nose as well
  
  
• We're on a hen do. The groom is French, so we're wearing berets.
  
  
• Has she told her mum that she's told the police?
  
  
• I was born in Manchester and I haven't been back since.

Overheard: Vienna

I recently visited Vienna - my fifth time there. As it was Eurovision Song Contest season, I kept my ears open and overheard the following.

• The lighting is on point, the drinks are very good.
  
  
• You can fly very cheaply, and you can stay at my place!
  
  
• He's good on the bass i'n't he? He's got his own sound, yeah.
  
  
• So many people find her empowering!
  
  
• Every time I drink and try to study, it doesn't work.
  
  
• I prefer the Danube because I'm a water person.
  
  
• Rudolf was very sensitive and intellectual.
  
  
• I need to charge my phone, and then I can relax.
  
  
• You look so fucking disappointed!
  
  
• It's a bangarangadrama!
  
  
• When all that was going on, I stayed out of it.
  

Overheard: Basel

I recently visited beautiful Basel. On a beautifully sunny evening, people were by the Rhine reading, eating, drinking, playing sport - and talking. Here's some of what I heard.

• The application is due tomorrow or in a year. So it's now or never.
  
  
• Oh yeah, yeah, Chopin... I never played this, it's too hard.
  
  
• When we have the conversation, they place me in the mid-30s.
  
  
• I'd like to think it's got better than it was 10 years ago.
  
  
• There's no buts, Trump's just an idiot!
  
  
• I found a watch I really liked, but... guess what happened?!
  
  
• She was so mean to him... He used to just come in and she'd be like, 'sup ugly?
  
  
• Fishing is the most calming thing ever.

Overheard: Kraków

While walking around Krakow for a few days, I heard the following snippets of chat.

Old Town Market Square in Kraków, Krzysztof Zgłobicki, Wikimedia Commons, CC BY-SA

• I can't wear a green bag out, it's degrading!
  
  
• Was there a contract amount awarded?
  
  
• There is a core team in America, and we are like a support team.
  
  
• I could probably do it, but I thought I better not.
  
  
• I'm fresh now, I'm happy.
  
  
• There will be a new president, it will change.
  
  
• He's gonna be like the king, and I'm now your duke bitch!

Overheard: Canary Wharf

On a recent visit to London, I paid a visit to the Winter Lights festival in Canary Wharf. Among the shiny skyscrapers, bright lights and concrete surroundings, there were a variety of light artworks. I'm not sure what I make of light-art festivals - the art feels like an afterthought in some cases.

As I walked around Canary Wharf, I sometimes wondered if I was in an episode of Industry. And I overheard these:

• They're gonna build another building here, see?
  
  
• The risk is that I run into people from work
  
  
• I did enjoy that semi promotion effect.
  
  
• All they want is yer facking money innit.
  
  
• I said to her, 'Do I have to keep pushing you like this? We'll give it one more chance.'
  
  
• Is this part of your working week?
  
  
• No matter what... that guy hates Arsenal!
  
  
• They've just just gone off the grid, it's weird.
  

Overheard: Dublin

    

I was recently in Dublin and overheard these words.

• She just stopped in the middle of the street and ate the head off me!
  
  
• Ah howya Diego, how's it goin?
  
  
• Thanks very much for the fifty euro, a lovely gift, very much appreciated, right!
  
  
• You can take your pick of the popcorn boxes.
  
  
• First time in Dublin? Any plans? Yes, lots of alcohol. Beer, whiskey.
  
  
• My chin is going to fall onto the floor.

Overheard: Richmond & Ted Lasso pub

During a recent trip to London, I paid a visit to Richmond. While I was there, I thought to look around some Ted Lasso filming locations. The building which 'played' Ted's apartment now has a shop dedicated to Ted Lasso / AFC Richmond. I decided to have a drink at The Prince's Head, the exterior of which is The Crown & Anchor in the series.

The bar is a fairly typical English pub, serving food and drinks. The staff were friendly, in that English charming way. What I noticed most was a more-than-typical number of tourists visiting because of the Ted Lasso connection. And I love people watching and listening, so here's what I saw and heard.

• 3 boys wandering in but getting turfed out 'without mum and dad'
  
  
• Two German men carefully asking how many millilitres are in a pint of beer
  
  
• Two Americans deciding to split their meal - 'Sharing a fish and chips, are we boys?'
  
  
• Two guys debating what 'other shows are actually on Apple TV...?' They agreed on The Morning Show with Rachel from Friends.
  
  
• A family of five ordering their drinks, and then all instantly started looking at their phones
  
  
• The bar was not full but busy, a steady stream of people coming in and leaving. A lot of debate from new people: Should we stand at the bar?

Overhead: Canterbury

I recently went on a day-trip to Canterbury, and overheard these lines.

• I recommend going up the back, it's a bit more spacious. That's a big word, isn't it, spacious!
  
  
• I was in Home Bargains yesterday and there was a woman doing my head in.
  
  
• It's a super-efficient flying machine!
  
  
• Lasagne and chips? Oh yeah, it's delicious!
  
  
• Typical English bombasticism!
  
  
• I think they're so insipid, y'know nothing going on... whereas you and I are a bit more y'know.
  
  

Overheard: Germany

I was recently in Germany for a few weeks, travelling from town to town and city to city with a DeutschlandTicket. Along the way, I heard a few choice phrases in English. And here they are.

• It's certainly different here, isn't it? A different feel... still friendly!
  
  
• And what about the client change request? What about that?!
  
  
• There was a woman going from here to Hamburg, that's two hundred euro!
  
  
• They gave me the freedom to do whatever I want, so that's what I did.
  
  
• I do not have a print-out but you can have a screenshot.
  
  
• We can actually go straight, cos it's really pretty with the flowers
  
  
• You want to go to Five Men or should I say Five Guys?
  
  
• It's a big no no yo!

Overheard: Amsterdam tourist season

As the sun sets on an Amsterdam summer tourist season, here are 17 random things I overheard tourists saying in Amsterdam in summer 2025.

• It was presented as a democratic process, but it was not!
  
  
• The best thing about wearing this skirt is my phone doesn't pull it down.
  
  
• No, no, no, we will just buy the juice!
  
  
• When you're in love, you're in the bubble, like, all the time.
  
  
• Don't get me wrong, I love a good sunset, but I'm not gonna Instagram it! 
  
  
• I could live here. This is the best weather we've had, this is all I fucking care about!
  
  
• He used to be an addict, like a big addict. Did he tell you that?
  
  
• You look stunning! If you'd have come to dinner dressed like that, we'd be wowed.
  
  
• I don't wanna, like, work hard as fuck for that. So I'm not gonna go.
  
  
• You haven't seen it yet, but I can get pretty fiery.
  
  
• Small little boats with little or no entertainment? Ann and Steve did one and they said it was HORRIBLE, and I'll be taking their recommendation!
  
  
• I don't fuck with mixing sweet and savoury.
  
  
• That's like a firecracker, went right off in my throat!
  
  
• She's an actress, a dancer AND an educator.
  
  
• They didn't think about mental illness... that is literally insane! No pun intended.
  
  
• Is that in New York?! Mo-Maaaa?! We'll look it up!
  
  
• You're a troubled lady, aren't you?

Overheard: Newcastle

I recently spent a few days in Newcastle-upon-Tyne, where I heard the following choice sayings:

• 'Ah'm sorry about earlier burr ah didn't start it'
  
  
• 'Is this Abba or Share? ...oh, it's Abba. Share do Abba now too ya know!'
  
  
• 'Ah'm here for the ketameen conference, but I think I'm in the wrong place'
  
  
• 'That's all in foreign, I can't read foreign. If it were English, I might be interested.'
  
  
• 'I was reading the obituary of a philosopher the other day. He was anti-capitalist, said he wanted to see a rich person hang.'
  
  
• 'I didn't know his name, so just put him in my phone as Gay 2'
  
  
• 'That's the Jack Daniels as a reference point'
  
  
• 'Let's go get some hula hoops!'
  
  
• 'Ya're loookin glowin, very sunny!' 'Thanks, it's cos I've had eleven hours sleep for once'
  
  
• In a charity shop, two women are discussing a third:
  
  - She didn't turn up to work! She says, "this is my boyfriend and we're onna date" and the date is stood there looking nervous. I said to her, "you're meant to be at work!"
  
  - Aye she's taking the piss that lass!

Overhead: London streets

Photo by Ana Paula Grimaldi on Unsplash

I was recently in London. As I walked around, I heard the following:

• I don't think we need many offences to send him to prison, but the more the merrier!
  
  
• And then I'm gonna die on the spot
  
  
• I'm not cool, am I?
  
  
• Do you know what a chicken wing is? Do you?!
  
  
• I didn't go to Paris to hang out with them!

Overheard: emphatic Amsterdam

Spring has arrived in Amsterdam, and as I've walked around the city, I've heard people being very emphatic:

• I can zig AND zag!
  
  
• I learned a LOT about cold weather living in Boston
  
  
• She had a long black coat, VERY sophisticated, with black-silver buttons, very rich
  
  
• Where are you going? You SHOULD go to that expensive store over there.

Overheard: Berlin

I recently spent a few weeks staying in Berlin. As I walked around the city, I overheard these snatches of conversations:

• Shall we go up that dome there?
  
  
• Ain't nobody got time to meditate for 45 minutes in the morning!
  
  
• You're gonna have to warn me about these German jokes.
  
  
• Do you recommend packing tonight, not tomorrow? 
  
  
• ...but what are you wearing and why?
  
  
• Should we maybe try to have some chips?
  
  
• He was not allowed to study painting in Vienna.
  

Overheard: Benidorm

I went to Benidorm last week for Benidorm Fest and kept my ears open for interesting chit-chat. Here's what I heard:

• The thing is, I've been friends wi' Gary for thirty-five year
  
  
• I've got a curry club in Leatherhead when I get back on Thursday
  
  
• Oh that's another thing I did with me mince, I made myself a burger...
  
  
• We're on the yellow now... well it's more lemon that, in't it?

Overheard: Schiphol airport, Irish flights

I left Schiphol Airport this week, flying to Cork. There were long queues for each part of the journey, where I over-heard Irish voices saying:

• This Guinness shortage is just marketing. Or PR cos they're not paying for it. Guinness and Ryanair - there are some marketing geniuses in Dublin!
  
  
• Get ready to whip out that OV Chip Card!
  
  
• Did your brother marry somewhere fancy?
  
  
• They're just ugly and weird like, the bullies
  
  
• She's from Spain, she's fierce nocturnal. We'd be getting up for the airport at 3am and she'd be making her dinner.
  
  
• Did you see on his Instagram, the alpaca? Why didn't we do that?

Overheard: Train in Austria

WESTbahn, Kabelleger, Wikimedia Commons, CC BY-SA

Two people on a train in Austria are looking at various websites on a laptop. One's about fabric, one's about chairs, another is about ice-cubes. Maybe they are planning the interior of a bar or café?

They're mostly speaking in German with occasional bits in English.

- It feels a little bit more modern

- Get your rave on!

- Your 360 degrees experience!

- Step over it? Step on it.

- Good morning you spicy little fuck nuggets. Love it, love it!

- He is the big guy in Europe for the ice cubes.

Overheard: Hotel lobby, Amsterdam

A group of five business people are sitting in an Amsterdam hotel lobby, discussing an upcoming presentation. Someone says the word innovative a few times.

'Option 1 is hard but option 2 is harder.'

'Option 1 and option 2 are horizons. We need something at the bottom to show their optionality.'

'First, we need a definition of how they are similar and different, and then we need a contrast.'

And then they take out a bag of pick 'n' mix and start snacking. A young blond man picks a sweet from the bag, exclaiming: 'ooh look, it's a mini pizza!'

Overheard: Amsterdam hotel lobby

A hotel lobby in Amsterdam. 

Two middle-aged American women are sipping some wine, while a handsome, muscular, young Dutch guy sits next to them working on a laptop. The women catch his eye, and ask him for some recommendations. They speak a little about museums and such. And for dinner? He then names two restaurants - one French and one Italian.

'And what about the local food?', one of the women asks.

He leans in: 'The local food is disgusting' 😆