Making My Mind Up

Hurrah, the BBC have finally announced who's in the running to be the UK eurovision entrant.

And they are: nice Atomic Kitten Liz McClarnon, tough East 17 'lad' Brian Harvey, rapper group Big Brovaz, annoying rock twat Justin Hawkins & Beverlei Brown, someone called Cyndi and Steps-a-like reformed for one occasion only Scooch.

I'm already giving Liz my support as her song, (Don't It Make You) Happy!, has both an exclamation mark and is lyrically positive and sounds like it will be bouncy.

Top Marks to Scooch who seem to be in airline costumes and want to bring pure pop back for the UK. Airline uniforms - the spirit of Sestre and Copenhagen Airport. Ace. And they're song is called Flying the Flag for You. Flags! Bring on the wind machine!

Digging Ditto

I went to the Astoria on Saturday night to see The Gossip. My good friend Bintal organised our tickets, and for that I'm super grateful. The Gossip are amazing, they're like some kind of fabulous cake with Beth Ditto as the icing on the cake, with Beth Ditto simultaneously eating the cake too, and probably licking her fingers whilst doing so.

You'll have to take my word for it that The Gossip are in the photos. I was literally shaking with excitement.

But first! There are support acts: PRE were very shouty and very noisy. I was unimpressed. Bonde Do Role's repertoire seemed to consist of taking cheese-tastic uncool songs, adding beats and shouty rapping. Oddness.

• Lady from the band wore yellow and black striped socks, over pink tights, green shorts and a red striped t-shirt over a green t-shirt. Brave is one word. She grinded her crotch, shook her rump and did frenzied faux simulated aerobic sex movements on stage. If she were more co-ordinated, she'd be a Pussycat Doll.

But, now, to the main attraction. The Gossip took to the stage with huge cheers.

• Beth Ditto strutted on stage wearing a silver bin bag over blue leggings. She promptly whipped off the bag to reveal a bright blue spandex body suit and sparkly belt. It was amazing.


• Bintal, in her California tones, described the 'bin bag' as a 'trash bag'. Ditto wore a silver trash bag. Ace!


• They described their song Coal to Diamonds as a gay / lesbian / transexual / bi-curious love song.


• She took the NME to task for "chicken-shitting the fuck out" by not putting her photo on the cover despite placing her at Number One on their Cool List.


• Costume change! Spandex blue catsuit was replaced with a more conservative, but cool, black cropped trousers and voluminous bosom top.


• Standing in the Way of Control is amazing - combining angry guitars and woah-oh's in one song is always immense.

More of this, please

These are some things I'm currently enjoying, liking and loving:

• This is Spanish Eurovision winner Massiel (she won in 1968!) presenting a song at the Spanish preselection. Massiel won't be singing Busco Un Hombre in the final, she was just presenting it. That's a crying shame as it's a wonder to behold.
  
  I particularly like her swinging her coat above her head and her exuberant bouncing. She's a game old bird.
  
  



• From one game old bird to another. It's Carola, in full strut formation, arms aloft stomping her way through Invincible, again, at the Spanish preselections. I like how the floaty blue top she's wearing never really fits until her arms are aloft in the flag-carrying position.
  
  
  
  
• And finally, according to tabloid tittle-tattle, Jude Law is dating the presenter of Iceland's X-Factor show. Her name is Halla Vilhjalmsdottir. What a fantastic name. I want more celebrities dating random foreign celebrities with ace names.

Melodifestivalen 3!

Last night's Melodifestivalen semi-final was all kinds of ace. I loved all the songs, and there was exciting drama in the results which were super-surprising. I felt some accolades needed to be mentioned:

The Anything A Minogue Can Do I Can Do Better Award goes to Therese. Spinning on a CD and posing on the CD = Ace. The Arrival is a great song, I hope it becomes a hit outside MF.

The Strutting Award goes to Måns Zelmerlöw for some wonderful shapes being thrown in Cara Mia. He was a strong contender for The Synchronised Dancing Award but I think Nanne pips him at the post for the swooping movements in the final chorus in her performance.

The What The Hell Are They Wearing Award goes to Magnus Carlsson and Sebastian. Magnus seemingly decided to come as Katrina out of Katrina & the Waves, whereas Sebastian continued Jordan's looking like a Teletubby trend with shocking aplomb.

Wind Machine Award to Sonja. Lovely ballad with wind effects.

Hurrah. The MF final is shaping up to be every kind of exciting. I personally think Sweden stands a great chance in Eurovision if they send Sebastian. It's a rousing song, has a wonderful trick-you-and-lead-you-into it key change and he dances like a seagull. Can't beat that.

Strutting, part 2

Go Nanne! I cannot wait to see this! She's got a climbing frame, and synchronised strutting. Lady Na-Nanne is brilliant

Melodifestivalen 2! Hurrah

I'm blogging live, and just a little tipsy (amazingly for the first time), listening to the new batch of MF songs.

* Regina Lund. She's no Lena Philipsson! Ha. It's rather great. Loving the spoken word intro. Wonderful, thumping chorus and we-love-you-for-who-you-are sentiment. Key change comes way too early, but that doesn't stand in the way of ace pop! Hasn't a chance to qualify I'd say, but I love it. She's dressing up as a space-cosmonaut-clown (or something) tomorrow. She's clearly bonkers. Hurrah.

* Marie Lindberg is oh-so-lovely but it's not ace pop nor schlager and I'm too tipsy to give it the time of day.

* Yimmy Yansson! I find it hard to believe Thomas G:Son wrote this. Where are the clichés? Where is the not-really-lyrically clever mention of Evighet? At least it has a key change! It's nowhere near as fun as Vi Kan Gunga (or whatever), but should be a fun performance.

* Ooh, Cosmo4! It sounds like the sound of a tipsy night out! Hurrah. Homage to promiscuity! Hurrah! I'm liking the cat metaphor. Pussy *snigger* etc. I hope they can pull this off live, as it could be ace.

* The opening to Lustans Lakejer's song is dramatic, and then the singing starts. Oh dear. It can never reall recover from the vocal, it's too flat, too dull, too old-man-trying-to-do-electro-pop. Nice backing vocals though, and a key change!

* I'm skipping Jessica Andersson in the hope that it's brilliant.

* Svante Thingy & Anne-Lie Rydé is jazzy-schlager. It's sort-of fun, but I don't see it qualifying, but I don't suspect they even think it will either.

* The Ark are pumping. It's ripped off from a thousand glam rock songs, but it's good fun. Should be performed brilliantly. Takes forever to get to a chorus - if that could even be called a chorus! Actually, I don't like this. It's practically acoustic for goodness' sakes.

* Thank fuck for Jessica Andersson! It's not as good as Kalla Natter, but it does mention INGENTING, and Kom is an excellent title. It's crying out for a dance remix. The key change is fabulous.

And that's that. Me sleep now.

Ace Songs for Europe #4

Elin Lanto performed in last weekend's Melodifestivalen with the very ace Money. Lanto is a popstar in waiting, having a hit a few year's ago with I Won't Cry, a poppy, soppy ballad. Money is completely different, and thank goodness. It's ace, with its delightfully cheeky selfishness.

Now, SVT are a bit touchy about people handing out mp3s willy-nilly and I don't want to anger the Swedes, so below you can watch the performance on youtube. It's equally ace! Elin progressed from the semi-final to the Second Chance round. Here's hoping she gets through to the final! It needs to be there, here's why:

• Money is in line with its Swedish ancestary, namechecking Abba's Money Money Money


• Show me what it takes to be a real rich bitch is a fabulously audacious lyric. Adopt it as a slogan now!


• Shining gold for me to hold - she needs it alright.


• I love the wilfully cheeky contrast between the lyric I'm not greedy, I'm not greedy, I'm not greedy, not at all, only to be followed by I want money, I want money, I want money, I want it all. Trashy!


• Someone's been attending the Paparizou School of How To Be Fierce on Stage.


• Canes are always a good thing.


• Elin brought the only example of strutting to this semi-final. Hurrah for strutting!

Elsewhere:

Hurrah for Malta for selecting Olivia Lewis & Vertigo (Ace Song for Europe #1) for Eurovision! Although, lady needs a dance routine now! Special mention to the man with the fans. //
Strange faces at Slovenia picking an intriguing opera-pop song //
Boo for Andreas Lundstedt crashing out of MF //
Big hurrahs for Anna Book. She's a game lass, bless her! //

Sweden! Melodifestivalen! Schlager! Hurrah!

Hurrah!

I know I've just been to Finland, but this weekend is all about Sweden and the beginning of the 6 week fest that is Melodifestivalen! I've just heard the songs, and can't wait to see tomorrow night's show.

* Elina Lento's Money is quite ace pop. It has the ace chorus refrain "show me what it takes to be a real rich bitch" and use of the "money, money". It's not quite the pop stormer that was promised, but is damn good. It's what Gwen Stefani's Rich Girl could be if it dropped the rap and hooked up with a popstar. Looking forward to seeing it performed.

* Andersson & Gibson's Anything but You is rather pleasant, but doesn't really go anywhere.

* Anna Book! Samba Sambero! Hurrah, schlager! Huge key change!! Sounds just a little bit like The Chicken Dance. Should be a great fun performance, and won't that be wonderful.

* Addis Black Widow's song is slightly dark, demented Kylie. It's a bit 'meh' and sort-of just stops. MF songs need a big ending!

* ...speaking of which! Andreas! He stops the song by saying "Stop" It's like disco-Madonna-meets-Helena-Paparizou-with-a-boy. I rather like it. His 5 dancers should work it. Very high potential for literal choreographic application of lyrics. Ace!

* Tommy Nilsson's song is a big rock ballad, most popular in the 80s, just like its singer. Big key change with straining-out-the-song emoting, though.

* Sofia's Hypnotised owes Helena Paparizou its life. It's very much a Helena album track, and starts with a wonderful but although flattens out in the middle. Here's hoping the performance makes it live!

* Uno & Irma say God morgon! and the song bounces along jauntily with hints of guitary schlager, but no real melody.

Hurrah, if only Melodifestivalen was every Saturday night!

Ace Songs for Europe #3

Drama! There's a male singer with a potential Eurovision hit. A solo male singer hasn't won Eurovision since 1990. That puts any idea of Morrissey performing into some perspective. That said, 3 of the last year's Eurovision top 5 acts were solo male performers (Dima, Hari, Mihai) so the time is now for a male winner.

Dmitry Koldun has been chosen by Belarus as their performer. Mr Dmitry is a former gymnast and apparently has entered a "chemical faculty" of Belarussian State University. According to one site, he has a big talent. Nice. It would seem Dmitry (Dima to his friends) came from some reality tv show, and has since either dyed his hair brown or stopped dying it blonde. Well done him. He won the semi-final held in Belarus with another song, realised it was a bit rubbish, dumped it and now goes to Helsinki with this stomper Work Your Magik. The song title is a word play on Dmitry's surname with koldun meaning magician. It's all very clever, isn't it?

The song is ace. It's quite dramatic, and while not 100% ace pop, it's definitely got what we're looking for:

• Dramatic stringy synthy opening. Very Bond tune-esque. I can imagine lady dancers in sparkly silhouette.


• Spies! Belarus! Russia! USSR! Genius.


• Opening phrase: Welcome to the Night. Always a pleasure.


• Lyrics that could be about love, food or dirty sex or all of the above.


• Wonderful rousing chorus reached in 40 seconds. It's really 2 choruses in 1. High potential for strong arm waving and shaking, and dramatic body flailing / dancing.


• I am able and I'm willing. Yes I'm willing - Oh, yes?!


• When you cast your loving potion over me - Oh yes?!


• skin-to-skin lyric updates Dima Bilan's flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone lyric with a much more pleasant image


• Good potential for a glitter throwing moment (it's a loving potion!) or other such stage dramatics before the middle 8.


• Key change!


• High note and a bell to finish.

Ace.

Download Dmitry Koldun - Work Your Magik mp3

Cat5

Last night, I went to Swedish indie night Tack! Tack! Tack! with Mr Club Contact and Ms Karinski to see Swedish electro-pop minxes Cat5. Cat5 are Hanna and Christina, from Gothenburg. They have pretty much written and produced their debut album by themselves. It's a riotous mix of electro-synths, beats and deadpan, sexed-up lyrics. They put on an ace show:

• It was an all-out audio-visual experience. There was a siren light on the keyboards, there was a screen projecting static imagery and word, numbers and slogans and amateur-esque 'visuals'. The lighting was a glarish concoction of strobe and strip lighting.
• They played about 8 songs. Highlights were Drop The Bomb, You Go Girl and Sexy.
• Both girls took turns on their tiny keyboard, but neither really managed to muster up much enthusiasm, looking bored with a wonderful display of popstar ennui.
• They describe Sexy as an 'electronic pearl'. There is an ace lyric: I'm too sexy for my jeans, I got to take them off. Before you put your hands on my ass.
• One of the girls looks like a Nordic Heidi Sugababe.
  
• Their 'rider' was two glasses of wine.
• One is blonde, the other is brunette. Their name is Cat5. They are the electro-embodiment of Finnish eurovisionners CatCat.
• A young Swedish woman barged through the crowd in the middle of their set. With a glass of wine in one hand, she crossed her arms, cocked her head, and looked at Cat5 as though they were an art installation, and continued to stare with an intrigued but questioning look. It was ace.
• One member of the audience was very enthusiastic. He was giving it loads. He led a small number of people to chant, "en gång till".
• One of the slogans that flashed up during their set was: TWISTED SISTERS TALKING SHIT. You can't argue with that.

Download: Cat5 - Sexy mp3 // Cat5 myspace // Cat5 // Tack! Tack! Tack!

Enter the Dragonette

I went to see Dragonette play in Metro last Thursday night. They were typically ace.

• They played about 10 songs. Competition and I Get Around were definite highlights, as they're dirty songs about being a mistress and staying out all night.


• A song called Marvellous is, indeed, marvellous.


• There was a great musical segue between one song & I Get Around.


• People were dancing in an exuberant fashion. I Get Around got people moving, only for the gig to be cruelly cut short.


• Martina (henceforth to be called, Lady Dragonette) wore an amazing 80s striped blanket dress with big shoulders held together with black-masking-tape-patent-dominatrix-belt and too-high-to-function heels. She danced in these heels. Dancing featured robotic arm movements, ace synchronised movements to I Get Around and some marching.


• She revealed that she nearly didn't wear the heels as they hurt like hell. Thankfully she wore them in the name of showmanship and glamour. Excellent working of the Bet Lynch miserable behind the bar of The Rovers but slapping a bit of lippy on, serving a G&T to Rita with a smile and flirting with the male punters while calling them "cock" spirit.


• The boys wore skinny jeans and shirts. Not as co-ordinated as last time.


• I finally worked out which boy is which. Dan is the tall, dark-haired man who plays guitar and keyboards. Will is the blond cutie who plays guitar. Joel is the floppy indie-haired drummer.


• Fan-girlies gushed forward to the stage when the gig ended to talk to Joel.


• Lady Dragonette revealed that she cut the boys' hair. ACE.


• While the boys set up the stage and instruments, Lady Dragonette was backstage doing her hair. We later asked her how she did it, and she gave us a hair demonstration.


• Their manager's mother was there. She looked like a very nice lady.


• Dragonette have coined a geographical phrase. Shepherd's Bush will henceforth be known as She-Bu (pronounced Sheh-bu).


• I Get Around was the highlight of the gig - it should be an instant hit. 

Ace Songs for Europe #2

Spain are having a very protracted and complicated national final, selecting their singer and song seperately and then matching it all up. It'll either be brilliant, or disastrous. One Spanish popstar who's taking up the challenge is Rebeca. She's been around for 10 years, with her debut album selling hugely in Spain, South America and the USA, going double-platinum in Spain. She's had 6 more successful albums, so she knows her stuff.

Rebeca is entering as a singer, but has also entered a song, so here's hoping they'll be 'matched'. She's teamed up with Invincible writer, and all-round schlager-hit-machine-maker Thomas G:Son to come up with I love you, mi vida. It is ace, and here's why:

• It's mostly in Spanish, and has ace words like amor / pasion / corazon / suerida


• It hits the chorus in 47 seconds.


• Eee-aaaiiyy--ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh


• the 'this is serious, important music' synth sounds which are ace pop really.


• "hey! hey! hey!"


• Spanish guitar and castanet moments.


• It's got a key change!


• Rebeca's singing soars all the way over the key change.


• It would fill the stage, with very high potential for hunky dancers and dance routines.


• Rebeca's no stranger to a bit of strutting.

Download Rebeca - I love you mi vida mp3

Want to be in a Kylie video?

Volume, at the V&A museum, is ace. The installation is a collection of 40 or so upright poles covered in tiny lights, which respond to movement and sound, changing colour and style. I wasn't sure how the whole interactive part worked, but they certainly look pretty. With the swooshing colours and twinkling disco lights, it's just like being in a Kylie video.

Some other bits + bobs:

* Russian pop-hunk Dima Bilan is playing at the Russian Winter Festival in Trafalgar Square, tomorrow, 2.30pm. Ace!

* AceDiscoVery favourites Dragonette are gigging next Thursday, at Metro, central London, 11pm. Expect ace synthy-pop purveyed whilst wearing something fabulously trashy.

* I'm going to Finland in 2 weeks on a random Euro-jaunt, visiting Tampere and Helsinki. Any recommendations of things to do, places to visit, music to buy will be gratefully received.

* Prison Break is back on Channel 5 next Monday. Hurrah, phwoar, etc.

* There's a song in the Spanish eurovision preselection called Me gusta hacer canciones con un hey (I like to sing songs with a 'hey'). Ace title, but sadly it's pretty rubbish.

Ace Songs for Europe

Hurrah. What with all the news about Morrissey possibly being involved with the UK Eurovision entry this year, it's definitely Eurovision season.

My friend Trixie has asked me to be the shiny "Eurovision correspondent" on Londonist.com, so clicky here to read my first post.

Over the next few months, I'm going to feature some of the best songs from the many, many preselections all around Europe.

Today, we have Olivia Lewis singing Vertigo from Malta. Olivia has come second in the Maltese selection lots of times, so must be a shoe-in to do well this time. Vertigo is pure eurovision, with wonderful lyrics.

Reasons why Vertigo is ace:

• ethno-pop rhythm and beats


• the clever contrast-ful in the lyrics: "yes / no" "stay / go"


• "gave you all, A to Z" - it's about maps!


• Nonsensical lyrics: "I've become indigo"


• despite the flat hair in this photo, Olivia likes big hair and ridiculously overblown costumes, as can be seen here and here.


• clap-clap-clap-clappy clap-clap-clap-clappy


• the sheer amount of lyrics that offer really obvious choreography:
  * you're spinning me round and you're holding me down
  * and I turn. You're not there
  * you're lifting me high, then you're taking me low


• Vertigo!

Hurrah.

Download Olivia Lewis - Vertigo mp3

World Song Festival

I recently took part in World Song Festival, an online competition much like Eurovision. Songs are sent from countries around the world, we listen, we judge and a winner is chosen. I liked the idea so much that I decided to help the organiser, Trond from Norway, by designing a website for the competition.

The overall winner was the very, very excellent electro-pop song Gabriel by French singer Najoua Belyzel. The song was a hit in France, going to number 3 in the charts. In 2006, Najoua released her debut album Entre deux mondes, which debuted at 7 on the French charts, and apparently will be promoting herself across Europe in 2007. Ace.

Gabriel is a fantastic electro-ish number with vaguely ethereal, moaning vocals and a grinding chorus which sounds great with its French vocals. The high-point is the ace apres-chorus electrofied break-down.



There were some other ace songs in the festival, here are some of my favourites.

It would be so wrong if I didn't pick the Swede. Nanne Grönvall, the ace rocky schlager star is just great. Having re-invented her look and image more times than I've had haircuts, her latest look says 'big hair, small lady'. 

That small lady totters around on high, high heels, wears skimpy floaty dresses, and kicks and struts with aplomb. She was ROBBED of Melodifestivalen in 2005 with Håll Om Mig, a performance made super-ace by having wind machines ON STAGE. Amazing. She'll be in Melodifestivalen this year with the hopefully bombastic + poptastic Jag måste kyssa dig (I Must Kiss You).

Coming 12th in WSF, Om du var min starts with the stock schlager slow-start, kicks in a beat, and builds to a pumping chorus. Nanne likes a guitar sound, Nanne likes to rock out in a twirling style.



From Japan, Nami Tamaki's Reason is J-Pop brilliance. 

There's a wall of immense sound, parts pop, parts electro and part super-cute Japanese style. The song builds with booms and explosions to its chorus which is an even bigger sound that can barely contain itself for the breakdown. And you just know that the slow parts are just breathers, waiting to give way to even more top pop explosions. As with so many J-Pop stars, Nami Tamaki has released many albums and singles in Japan. This one reached 2nd on the Oricon Charts. It came 6th in WSF.



Elefante are a Mexican band who perform fairly standard Latin rock. I liked their song Mentirosa, simply because it was great Latin pop. It does exactly what you want - has a great catchy chorus, lovely Spanish sounding guitars and harmonies. Elefante seem to be fairly successful in Mexico, with a number of albums and a greatest hits to their name. In WSF, they finished in 36th position.



Jorge Rojas' Busca en tu corazon is 100% pure cheesy, and I can't help but love it. Jorge is Argentinian, and released his debut album there in 2005, from which this song comes. Busca en tu corazon is a deeply heartfelt up-tempo ballad with panpipes, latin guitars and so much pleading with a rousing chorus. It's a real lighters-in-the-air, swaying from side-to-side song and has wonderfully implausible lyrics like "look in your heart if you want to find the road to follow to discover the truth". Fantastic. It was 20th in WSF.



Finally, Dilnaz Akhmadieva is a popstar from Kazakhstan. I always knew there'd be more to Kazakhstan than Borat! Dilnaz sings in the Uyghur language, and has been singing for years, even though she's only about 20. This song, Zolotoy, Zolotoy which could mean Golden, golden is ace. It's got a eastern, ethno-tribal sound mixed with some electro strains and beats. 

If Kazakhstan ever want to be in Eurovision, sign her up now. It finished 23rd in WSF.

Housewives Desperados

So Desperate Housewives is back and you can still drive trucks through the huge plot-holes in the show. Maybe we'd be better off in Argentina where a local version of Desperate Housewives launched last year. Rather than having Marcia Cross, Eva Longoria etc. on their screens, Argentinian TV has re-shot and filmed the show with a whole new cast. These ladies are the new Housewives.

I'm particularly loving the Bree character who, in Argentina, is called Vera. Look at how delightfully prim and proper she is.



Of course, we all want to see the gardener, and who am I to disappoint? Hello Rodrigo Guirao.

Desperate Housewives in Lewisham

The new series of Desperate Housewives returns to Channel 4 tomorrow. I'm quite excited. I do love the show's darkly cheeky humour and excellent characterisation, especially by Marcia Cross (Bree Van De Kamp) and Eva Longoria (Gabrielle Solis).

Part of the reason I like Desperate Housewives is its campy critique of the idea of All-American suburbs and housewives, even if this consideration has very little to do with the actual show's storylines. The street-name Wisteria Lane encapsulates suburban bucolic images of pastoral trimmed gardens and white picket fences, shown in wonderful bright pastel colours in the show.

Last week, I took a visit to London's Wisteria Lane to see if it was anything like the street in the show. In fact, I went to two streets - Wisteria Road in Lewisham and Wisteria Close in Mill Hill. Mill Hill is very far north. The streetsigns say 'Barnet', but it may as well be Barnsley. Wisteria Close was nothing more than 3 houses in a secluded off-the-road exclusive development. Very uneventful.

Wisteria Road, however, was more interesting. About 5 minutes from the high street of Lewisham, Wisteria Road is definitely a suburban residential street. Lined by medium-sized houses, there are gardens to the front and rear.

The street is not very long, with a right-angle turn halfway through. The first section is dominated by a number of garages with loud NO PARKING signs. Friendly neighbourhood.




As I walked around noticing the street's unique character, I started to imagine a storyline emerging...

Wisteria Road, episode 4...

The old Smith house has been sold, and new neighbours are moving to Wisteria Street.

Within minutes, local flirty gossip Martina Moran-Williams phones her good friend and confidante Suzie Slater. Martina is wearing brown boots, jeans, a pink camisole and a brown bolero.

FYI: Think 'Gabrielle', on a casual day. And on a budget.
"Sooz! Have you seen who has moved into the Smith house?"
"No, have you? Do tell!"
"Well, all I know is there's an attractive young man fixing up a car outside. Babes, he's the new neighbour hood hunk!"

FYI: Think The Gardener with more clothing and less definition.

Minutes later, Martina calls to the Smith house and introduces herself to Darren Marsh, the man lovingly tending the vehicle outside. Martina flashes her best come-to-bed eyes at Darren and suggests that they meet soon at Lover's Lane. The lane is overgrown and wild, befitting the wild passion between Darren and Martina which cannot belong in Wisteria Road's manicured sterility.

Within days, Martina's husband Nigel Williams discovers her rash affair! Nigel barricades Martina into the house for her wilful adultery. Meanwhile, Martina rebels further and throws out the microwave (somehow), telling Nigel that she'll no longer be his domestic slave!

Well, how dramatic! What will happen next on Wisteria Road?! Who knows and who can tell, but I can almost guarantee that the storylines in the fictional Wisteria Lane will be just that bit more exciting that those of the real-life Wisteria Road.

Top 9 Most Ace Swedish Pop Songs of 2006

It's the time of year when pop-pickers start to compile their 'top songs of the year'. Lists have already appeared on #1 Hits from Another Planet, dirrty pop, karinski and Indie Girl & Pop Boy.
For my list, I've decided to compile my top 9 most ace Swedish pop songs from 2006. So, in no particular order other than numerical, here we go:

1. Jessica Andersson - Kalla natter

This Melodifestivalen song didn't make it through to the finals. Jessica Andersson's performance was a little odd, which is a pity as Kalla Natter is an excellent pop song par excellence with a great opening, nice vocal melodies, a storming chorus and the words "Går vi närmre och närmre varann" in the second line with just sounds cool.


2. Bodies Without Organs - Chariots of Fire

BWO gave Carola a run for her money in the Melodifestivalen final with the excellent Temple of Love. My favourite song from them this year was Chariots of Fire from their second album. The album overall had a few misses, but its hits were spectacular. Chariots of Fire is just one, with an excellent chorus, melody and lyrics which suggest continually trying to reach pop perfection. Buy Halcyon Days

3. Marie Serneholt - Enjoy the Ride

Ex A-Teens popette Marie Serneholt's album was pretty great. My favourite song, without a doubt, was Enjoy the Ride. It's ever so slutty, but comes off sounding oddly innocent. Using a horse riding conceit for a riding of a whole other kind (the Irish slang kind...), the song has excellent clip-cloppy sound effects. Horses hooves, people!!! Special marks also for the lyric "straddle the seat". Buy Enjoy the Ride


4. Le Sport - Your brother is my only hope

Now sadly split up, Le Sport (or Eurosport?) were a very quick ray of electro-poppy brilliance. Taking tATu's teenage lesbian idea, but changing it to boys with a fascination for the Pet Shop Boys, Le Sport had some excellent songs such as If Neil Tennant was my Lover. I was torn between choosing Chemical Drugs or Your brother is my only hope for the list, but the latter song won out for the "Kathy, Lisa, Mary-Beth" line and the wonderful small-town-gay feeling that it invokes.

5. Linda Sundblad - Pretty Rebels

Linda's debut solo album Oh My God!, released this year, was amazing and made bloggers stand to attention. Pretty Rebels is a highlight, with an all-too-cute line declaring that "we're the babies, born in the 80s". Yes, Linda, yes we are. Buy Oh My God!



6. Magnus Carlsson - Lev Livet

Magnus' entry for Melodifestivalen was pure schlagery greatness, and didn't really deserve to come in 8th position. It has a catchy sing-a-long chorus, plinky-plonky bouncy verses and a great build for a key change. The complicated choreography probably cost it a vote or two, so let's hope Magnus' song for 2007 Melodifestivalen will be equally as ace but with better dancing. And let's hope he continues wearing suits. Rarrr, Magnus.


7. Andreas Lundstedt - Lovegun

This is wonderful filth from Magnus ex (colleague). A Swedish friend of mine claims to have been "friendly" with Andreas, friendly so as to avoid libel action. I asked him if he saw Andreas' lovegun. The link was lost on him. Evoking disco, evoking Studio 54, evoking oral sex, and with enough phallic images to shake your stick at, this is glorious disco-smut - you have to love it.


8. Kikki Danielsson - I dag & i morgon

A Swedish guy I know once told me that nobody in Sweden likes Kikki! It's no wonder she ended up last in the MF final. Poor Kikki! Having been on the Swedish version of You Are What You Eat, she's a bit like Michelle McManus but 1000 times more ace, as this song proved. It had bells, it had sing-a-long chorus, it had a sort-of triumphant 'I beat the booze and now I'm singing a song about it' sentiment. Most of all, it had Kikki on stage in a glorious pink kaftan. Viva Kikki D!


9. Amy Diamond - Big Guns

A rallying cry for all Swedish tweenies - don't let The Man (or the Gentlemen with the Sharp Tongues) tell you what's cool. Except if he's saying that cool = Amy Diamond. Cos that's correct. I love this song for the line "Have a cookie and some television". Buy This is Me Now




So they're the top 9 most ace Swedish songs of the year. The first 5 songs can be downloaded, by clicking links. There were loads of songs I didn't include, and if the list proves anything it's that Swedish pop is just 100% pure ace brilliance.

...oh, if you're wondering about the absence of the divine Carola and Evighet / Invincible - she reigns supreme, like a deity overseeing all. I preferred Evighet, the Swedish version, simply for the line "ingenting kan stoppa mig, det blåser en vind" which means "nothing can stop me, a wind is blowing". This is ace because:

a) IT REFERENCES THE WIND MACHINE!!!
b) it uses ingenting, the unofficial word of all Swedish schlager songs.

God bless thee, Carola. Watch an ace MF medley performance here. About 4 minutes in, Carola goes whoopsy-daisy, head over feet, suspended above the audience. It's amazing.

West End Girls

Last night, I went to see West End Girls, a Swedish pop duo. Their name says everything about them. They sing cover versions of Pet Shop Boys' songs. They dress like the Pet Shop Boys. They move like the Pet Shop Boys. Hell, I'd think it was the Pet Shop Boys on stage... if they were two Swedish teenage girls.

The clothes they wore were grey. This was not exciting. I wanted something more like the red PVC they wear on their myspace. They were not wearing red hard hats. They did sport sharp black bob wigs. This was somewhat more exciting.

They sang a number of songs, to an amused audience. The best songs were Always on my Mind and Suburbia. One West End Girl stayed behind the keyboard, plinking away with a sullen, straight face. The other West End Girl bopped about the stage singing, doing jerky dances which I can only assume Neil Tennant does or did. She's copying these because she's clearly an uber fangirl. She tries to maintain a straight, sullen face, but you can tell she's loving it.

It's all a bit strange, but I enjoyed it. Imagine X-Factor but, like, much better performers covering the Pet Shop Boys with girly poppier vocals, and slightly dancier music. I'm sure they're making some very clever statement about fandom and mimicry and post-modernism. There's something quite Japanese about their dress-up-and-be-the-Pet-Shop-Boys act. Overall West End Girls are quite original, even though they're singing covers, so hurrah for them and hurrah for another Swedish pop act playing gigs in London.

Robyn

I saw ace Swedish pop-star Robyn play the second of two London gigs last Friday at Puregroove at the Hoxton Bar & Kitchen. Robyn's 2005 album combines acoustic guitars, electro synths and hip-hop beats with cute, cool vocals and lyrics. It is ace, an amazing album.

Opening her set with the ‘I-know-I’m-better-than-you’ sentiment of Handle Me, it was clear that Robyn was here. 

Backed by just one guitarist / drummer, the music was pared back and minimal, with Robyn’s cool, emotional vocal style to the fore. This detracted from the familiar synthy sounds of some of her songs, which was something of a shame, but her vocal style more than made up for this.

What a style! At times confident and boastful, she taunted the audience, but we always knew it wasn't about us, she was just playing. And then, fragile, sentimental and bittersweet, we just wanted to reach out and touch. Playground taunting, in-your-face hip-hop styled Konichiwa Bitches and Cobrastyle were strong, uptempo songs. Robyn controlled and sparred with the audience, and we loved it.

I was struck by her on-stage behaviour: Robyn raised her fists, clenched her eyes, snarled her lips, and appeared frantically breathless at times. I was expecting a polished Swedish pop star, so as for stage presence, it was certainly surprising but utterly engaging. This was Robyn, raw, emotional and up-close.

Sadly, two of my favourite songs from the album weren't played (Who's that Girl? and Crash & Burn Girl). The set focused on her more acoustic and edgy material. Ending with the very excellent and bittersweet Be Mine, the audience joined in, convinced and won over by a very impressive pop star.

See my review of Robyn on Londonist.com

Robyn official site | Robyn myspace | Buy The Rakamonie EP